Sexual practices are probably what has made Tantra most known in the West. However, in reality, Tantric practices of intimacy are erotic rather than sexual. Eroticism is the experience of our sensual self, without the component of the instinctual behaviour that drives us to procreate – which is what defines a sexual act. If we do not engage in sex for the purpose of procreation, it is done to experience pleasure and to express feelings for the other. Sex is driven by instincts, so while it is pleasurable, it is a superficial pleasure and not fulfilling beyond that brief moment. What we are really longing for is the erotic experience.
To obtain deeply fulfilling pleasure and profound connection, we need to discover eros.
Eros is an expression of physical love and elevated passion, where the other is not an object for satisfaction, but a beloved being with whom we merge – and at the same time, eros is a revelation of our own innermost being.
At first glance, sex and eros might appear to be the same, and we might think that eros is just a nicer term for sex. But, like sugar and honey, both taste sweet but have very different effects on health and well-being, just as sex and eros affect us in radically different ways.
Sexual energy is overpowering, bringing a loss of control, and it often leads to over-indulgence or obsession, or to forced avoidance, emotional rollercoasters, painful attachments, and experiences that either fall short of expectations or that bring outright regret.
In contrast, erotic energy brings an out of this world feeling of pleasure that is deeply satisfying and leaves a feeling of profound happiness and fulfilment – the experience that most are longing for when approaching intimacy.
The shame and inhibition many experience around their sexuality, aside from any past experience of abuse, is related to the instinctual nature of sex, and the loss of control that comes with it. In the grip of instinctual sexual energy, we trust neither ourselves nor the other. When the intimate experience is one of pure eros, there is no shame or inhibition, and the possibility for profound intimacy and oceanic pleasure is born. This then makes the erotic interaction a deeply fulfilling, healing and awakening practice that, rather than being controlled by it, allows us to harness the immense power of our creative potential.
Amorous Erotic Continence
The creative potential is an immense force that gives the power to create new life, but it can also be used to nourish life in other ways; to awaken latent potential, to support health, regeneration and longevity, to sustain and expand spiritual experiences of higher states of consciousness, and to create new ideas, inspirations, inventions and genius-like solutions.
We tend to take the gift of this potential for granted, until it runs out. Tantra teaches methods for harnessing this power, and how to use it consciously, not only for greater fulfilment in intimate experiences, but for an overall upgrade of our life and being.
This practice is called amorous erotic continence. It involves learning to increase and expand pleasure, to experience multiple orgasms without wasting any of the creative potential through ejaculation for men, and through explosive orgasms for women. By separating the orgasm from the ejaculation, men can learn to be multi-orgasmic, and women will be able to fully embrace their natural ability to experience multiple orgasms, as well as to intensify and deepen their experience of orgasm, resulting in a profound fulfilment and revealing a new dimension of eroticism.
Through the practice of amorous erotic continence, we become able to experience a much greater intensity of pleasure. Not only is it possible to experience more than one orgasm, but the intensity of the experience is greatly increased. The ejaculation or explosive orgasm occurs when the threshold of the intensity of pleasure that can be held in the awareness is reached. With practice, this threshold can be raised and the level of pleasure that can be experienced by both lovers becomes greater and greater, leading to truly overwhelming and expansive states of orgasm beyond anything that has been lived before.
Furthermore, the two lovers can become able to prolong the experience of the orgasm, which then becomes a genuine gate to spiritual experiences, that can be passed through into higher parts of the being, and into the creation itself.
Through the process of inner alchemy, the lovers can also transform their sexual potential, that is in the form of sexual fluids, into energy. The resulting energy can then be sublimated into more refined forms of energy such as affectionate, emotional, mental, and spiritual energies.
The lovers remain completely capable of procreation, and ejaculation is only used when the couple want to conceive. In any other situation, ejaculation is considered an unnecessary loss of energy that over time only has negative depleting effects, and leads to a diminishing of erotic interest in the erotic partner.
Orgasm with ejaculation is known to deplete the vital resources of the body. High-performance athletes, for example, are advised to refrain from ejaculating before important competitions – as are those preparing for high intellectual performance. On learning to separate orgasm from ejaculation, abstinence is no longer needed. Instead of depleting energy, intimacy can charge the battery of the being, and help in preparing for life and its most demanding situations. Our intimate life becomes not only a source of immense indescribable pleasure, but it also becomes an engine for the transformation for the better of our entire being and existence.
Our intimate life becomes not only a source of immense indescribable pleasure, but it also becomes an engine for the transformation for the better of our entire being and existence.
Effects of Erotic Amorous Continence
Effects observed by those who have successfully practised amorous erotic continence for longer periods of time:
- The intimate experience becomes more fulfilling and complete
- Prolonged orgasms without a loss of energy cancel the effects of negative emotions
- Stress and anxiety are diminished and eventually replaced by a state of inner peace and relaxation
- A deepening of love and increased happiness in relationships
- Increased erotic appetite amplifies or restores the attraction between lovers.
- Works as a powerful aphrodisiac
- Increased creativity and intelligence
- Improved quality of sleep and a reduced need for sleep
- Alleviates and even cures ailments or physiological disorders
- The body becomes more harmonious
- Increased sensuality and wellbeing
- Charisma and magnetism is awakened or amplified
- Increased self-confidence and optimism
- Increased ability to be empathic
- Brings more energy and even a surplus to fulfil life goals and aspirations
- Natural contraceptive with no negative side effects
These are just some of the many miraculous effects that can be observed from the practice of amorous erotic continence, along with a general increased awareness of ourselves and new perspectives on the experiences of life.
The Erotic Revolution
Though intimacy based on pure eros and amorous erotic continence is an ancient knowledge and practice, it has been a well-kept secret. Because it requires commitment and practice to achieve mastery in this art of love, it is not for those who look for a quick and easy pleasure.
Introducing this apparently new approach to pleasure, love and intimacy could become a genuine revolution in how we live our lives, not only in romantic relationships, but in the overall quality of the experience of life. Erotic Amorous continence invites a slowing down and a deepening, fully savouring what each moment has to offer.
Amorous erotic continence allows us to tap into our incredible potential and gives a renewed appetite for life. It transforms the way we interact with each other, and greatly increases happiness and fulfilment.
Fear, loneliness, depression, feelings of separation, frustration, and anxiety all lie at the root of many of the problems in the modern world. Sex seems to be only a momentary relief from or even an amplifier of these problems. The erotic experience on the other hand, becomes an antidote to and the beginning of a solution to all of the above.
As we transform our relationship with our creative potential, the immense force we hold within, our entire life transforms for the better. We can contribute to the world with more love, kindness, creativity, new perspectives, happiness, optimism and joy. When we make love in this way, not only will our experiences in the bedroom become sacred and sublime, but our whole life experience will be bathed in beauty and the light of awareness
Final thoughts
The practice of amorous erotic continence is central to a Tantric practice, both as an immense energetic support for all our spiritual achievements, a refinement of our entire being and as an expression of a more conscious way of approaching intimacy and sensual experiences.
A Tantric practice integrates all aspects of life in a holistic approach that makes every moment valuable from the perspective of spiritual awakening. We aim to embrace everything in the light of awareness, making sacred that which before was considered profane.
Instead of seeing sensuality and erotic desires as an obstacle to spirituality, with the deep understanding of eros and the practises of erotic amorous continence, they are transfigured as a manifestation of life force, and are carefully directed towards the manifestation of a sacred eroticism.
A Tantric saying goes, “The way a man is in the bedroom is the way he lives his life”. This is also valid for a woman. The way we are in our intimate relationships is reflected in the way we are intimate with life, and with every moment of our existence. When the bedroom is a place of sacred eroticism, life becomes heaven on earth.